Today I visited with Sam. I talked with his therapist, who is a super neat lady. Already insurance is denying treatment. No surprise, but frustrating all the same. That prompted this letter in the working to the President (lol…and every official person from him back to me):
Dear Mr. President,
My family is truly blessed to live in America. We are blessed with freedom and choices. We are ever so grateful to have the ability to raise our children in safety and with opportunity. . Thankful to be able to live in a small town, the kind of town that strengthens and continues to strengthen the very fiber of our country.
Our family was built by choice. Choice after choice led us to the blessings of family we enjoy. A large part of that choice was adoption.
When children were not available in TN to adopt we adopted from other places. We incorporated into our home children who were part of large sibling groups, we did so to keep them together and to love them, to give them hope and roots. We adopted from our country because we knew there where children here, American children who deserved to have a family, deserved to have a mom and dad.
We feel that our country should take care of it’s children. We have food stamps and government assistance to meet (or at very least TRY to meet) the needs of our children. Many of us are blessed to be able to provide for our children without that assistance, that is a gift we are grateful for and none who are so blessed would ever begrudge a child in need.
Our country has a responsibility to protect our children, to meet their needs physically, emotionally and mentally. Our country likely fails many children, but it should not fail those it is AWARE of!
We adopted children, we had private insurance, and never had to even address the government aid through TNCare until we had mental health issues with 3 of our children who had serious losses. We have had to fight to receive help. We have had to give away a child because it was “the only way” to get him coverage. That is wrong on SO MANY LEVELS!! A mentally challenged child who losses TWO families.
In that case we were his family, and willing to buy his clothes, to visit, to do all we could do. But the state of TN does not always have the child’s best interest at heart, money is the “heart” that rules.
We are now, once again facing a child who needs help and once again are fighting for the services he needs.
This country OWES the children who have sustained abuse and neglect, even been affected by drug and alcohol from birth moms, we OWE them resources! When this country fails to meet those needs, it destroys opportunity for all the endless children who wait for adoptive homes. Someone could look at the situations with our boys and say, “You have some great kids who do well, but it’d be my luck to get the tough kid and being stuck with no help!” Those people choose to not adopt and the lack of care for those who need our country affect us all.
I realize the big picture I am painting. Years ago I realized we could find diagnosis’ for our boys, but that would do us no good, aside from being able to say a list of words, there is not sufficient HELP.
If nothing else, this country needs low level group homes that specialize in helping emotionally disturbed children be successful. If not, our country will care for most them most of their adult lives anyway through the prison system. If money is the issue, why cannot it not be understood that these children left unhelped will be much more expensive for tax payers as adults. Not to mention the acts that will occur in our communities that lead to such prison sentences.
How do you do it? How do you fix it? Provide care for our children. Provide it without the need for Lawyers to sue the state. Give the children a chance. Give families a chance to be successful. It is MEDICALLY NESSESSARY for children to grow up and be whole and successful adults. In our country of freedom, freedom one of our son fights for with the ARMY in Afghanistan, it seems like a hypocrisy. Freedom is for those who have the mind and ability to make it on their own. Freedom is for those who have families with money to pay for treatment and help. Freedom is NOT for ALL in the case of damaged children this country places in adoptive homes and then leaves to fend for themselves. That is not freedom at all, it’s a sentence, a conviction issued with no care or regard, simply the understanding that the “state”, “government” and our “country” are not longer obligated to help. Well, until someone is hurt.
It is such a shame that our country, with all its progressive ideas, is not pro-active in helping children. If our country believed in God I would say it’s a sin! At very least it is a huge injustice from a country who believes they fight for freedom.
Sincerely,
Amanda Smotherman
Wife of 24 years
Mom to 21 children, 19 children who will be productive tax-paying members of society, 2 who are lost..
At some point in my future I will burn bridges and throw caution into the wind and I will advocate. For now, I am trying to raise my children and trying to help our children who are tough. I have whined to Scott in my anguish that I am going to go back to college and start at free group that tells individuals how to make the government help. Isn’t that the most absurd thing you’ve ever heard? The very idea that someone must make out country help it’s children?!
For now? I will continue to write and rewrite this letter ….and I will likely continue to be frustrated with the way our country treats adopted children with disabilities.
You are one wise Mama, that is for certain.
ReplyDeleteMay the Lord use your voice for those that don't.
Blessings on your ministry--that reaches far from your home.
Summer