Yesterday I was on my way to Knoxville with Stuart (a 16 hour running session and visit with Sam) when Scott called. The DCS worker had called in a panic because she did not have her paperwork completed on Zack and wanted to know if we were already at the courthouse. Scott told her it was our understanding that the court date was NEXT Monday. She then realized she was on the wrong week.
We talk to Zack several times a week and I visit every other week or as often as possible. We no longer have any kind of session as we are considered "mentors". It really incredibly sad. Can he live at home? No. But next Monday his ability to even consider his family, that family will be taken from him. I really do feel that way. False hopes are given to Zack. Adoptive homes are dangled in front of his face, yet they cannot even find a foster home who is willing or able to take him. Last week he called telling Scott he was "sick of these people" and he wanted to come home. It might be that his behavior plays into the "sick of these people". The DCS worker told Scott "Oh, Zack is doing WONDERFULLY!!". Scott wanted to ask about the fight he was part of this week...but refrained. That is why he can't come home. That is why we are at this point. Zack has serious behavior problems, serious limitations (as we are not sure to what degree his behaviors are even "choice").
I am not sure why the worker feels the need to exaggerate. Perhaps because she wants to make us feel bad or perhaps she is trying to only be positive? Either is wrong. Moderation will go a lot further in the long run. The truth? He is doing great for a level 3 residential setting! He is a happy guy. He is ignorant of the seriousness of the world, of the seriousness of his actions. In some worlds that ignorance is bliss. To parents who understand the impact? It's hard. We DO love Zack. He makes us laugh. I can smile at the silliness, because I am warped when it comes to him...I find the "I threw a chair at him cause I couldn't find anything smaller" funny. I have to find it funny because otherwise I would just cry. I truly HATE the consequences of his STUPID birth mom who did drugs and forever changed the course of his future!!!
That said, the reality is simple. Zack cannot return home because of safety issues. And due to those impulses, we will be his parents for 6 more days and then he will have no one. I HATE the rules that say we are forced to do that if he can't come home too!! As Scott said, "We are backed into a corner and have no other choices." That corner is a really terrible place to be :(
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I have been there. It was 25 years ago and it still hurts. {{{Hugs}}}
ReplyDeleteI don't know why people (therapists, teachers, social workers) feel the need to exaggerate. We have been thru this many times. I will be hearing how great my son is in class, what a joy he is (augh!!) and wonder what in the world I'm doing wrong that he is so naughty at home. Then in hindsight, I realize that our perspectives are quite different. He may be the best behaved kid in his EI classroom because he's "only" been restrained half a dozen times and "only" punched his teacher on a few occassions as opposed to some other kid who has hourly incidents. I look at good behavior much differently than others I guess.
ReplyDeleteI wish you had more options, but rest assured, anyone who's been reading knows how much you've worked with and for this child.
im so sorry to read this, obviously i dont know you or your family but i do know from reading your blog that you love your children very much and are just doing what is best for everyone, as difficult as it may be. zack may not be your child in a legal sense but i do believe you and scott will forever love him as your son no matter what <3 best of luck and know that im thinking of all of you :)
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry you have been forced to do this. I know how it hurts your heart.
ReplyDeleteI have a daughter who is Bi-Polar and RAD. She is only 8 and we are still in the "trying to find solutions" mode. (Read: She is still smaller than me so I can still restrain her when neccessary.)
I don't know how this will be when she is 13, 15, 17. I pray a lot. I will be praying for your family and your son.
Best wishes,
Maureen