I have watched video and read articles regarding the woman from Tennessee who put her grandson on a plane back to Russia. I say grandson because by all legal intents and purposes that is exactly what he is. The whole story makes me sad. Sad for all involved. I would be the very last person to persecute the family of this boy. I too have had sons who drug me to the edge of sanity. I have. I have been lucky, well not lucky, I(Scott and I) have WORKED very hard to find services for my tough guys. Did I know we would have obstacles? Yes. Did I have any idea how serious? Of course not! Who does?
One of our hard truths in our family is the saying: This is your home. We are your family. At such a time your issues become bigger than we can deal with? We will seek help. We will seek those who can help you, but we will still be mom and dad. This will always be your home (even if the choices take them away, I want to opportunity to come home to be there ...).
In the case of the story we read about? Lack of help. A family bit off a huge bite. They stuck their head and hearts out in hopes of perfection(My opinion). Whether their expectation were realistic or not, I do know that there are very few places to turn to when you have children who are having emotional issues. We are blessed only because my children are adopted (well, my tough guys) from foster care and they quality for TN Care based on that...the family in the news? No such luck. No resources fueled their desperation. I am so sad for them.
I have people ask me all the time if I can get help "because they are adopted". lol. NO! It just doesn't work that way. Much like a marriage, except the binds are even more bound(ending such a union between you and your children end in serious charges!!). Marriage can be dissolved when people "get tired" or find that the "for better or worst" was worst than they planned on! NOT the same with children. For better or worst means just that! This story is about adoption, yet there are parents who give birth to their children and likely have great empathy as well for the lack of mental health and the accessibility of treatment.
I am sorry for the boy as well. He too had expectations. The issues of an institutionalized child (and at age 5 or 6 they are significant) is not something to take lightly! If the parents were ill equipped? I am sorry for him. It takes time, literally years, to "find" a place in this world.
Our children (and adoption has nothing to do with it!!)....Our children, our children who grow up in loving homes, who know and understand the love of parents, who see the way a family works, who love without pain....Our children are blessed. We are blessed. Trust, Faith, Understanding, Hope and Love are just words until they are shown. Unconditional love can be hard...but it is absolutely necessary to be the people God intends us to be...to be the parents we are meant to be.
For dreams lost, for those innocents hurt, for the who are impacted by this situation...it is heartbreaking and I am so sorry!
I can't help but KNOW that God totally understands the hearts of all involved. God understands the sadness, the losses, the hardship of raising tough kids! It would be nice to think that pointing fingers would be replaced by adoption support reform. Not words, very real actions that are backed with very real resources. A very nice thought.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
"It would be nice to think that pointing fingers would be replaced by adoption support reform. Not words, very real actions that are backed with very real resources. A very nice thought."
ReplyDeleteAmen! I don't think God could say it better Himself!
I feel such empathy for this family! I know that there is so much more to this story than any reporter could (or would) convey to the public - sometimes there are just no words to describe what we live thru daily with traumatized children. Our "normal" becomes so skewed that every once in awhile we are jolted back to the reality of what is and it's sometimes funny, sometimes alarming. I think this family was overwhelmed and probably judged harshly because of it. They're human. I wish the resources were readily accessible.
ReplyDeleteWe have worked so,...hard to keep my son out of the DJJ system and now I think he's headed there anyway - if I thought it'd help him in any way I'd be rejoicing about additional services, but it won't. They will expect him to either be "scared straight" of further consequences (won't happen) or work hard to be honest (also won't happen). I've been saying for years that my son will not get a free pass when the DJJ get involved - well, the system really is a joke from what I've heard, but eventually his record will be long enough to get someone's attention, just not the help. Unfortunately, good intentions are not going to get him help, nor will villifying us for having a son who seems to not know right from wrong or acts so pitiful that everyone wants to "save" him.