Sucessful Fishing:)

The boys went fishing with Dustin and Mr Howard yesterday. What fun. Seth caught the "hugest" fish he has ever seen:) There are no words to explain his excitement! I think everyone on the lake heard him yelling...lol!

I smiled as Seth said, "You gotta tell Caleb about this. It's bigger than his fish!" I relayed the message to Caleb who replied, 'In comparison to the fisherman maybe so." It made Seth happy.

My guys are all now looking forward to summer, to sunny days and lots of fishing:)

Doom, Dispair and Agony on Me...

That old song comes to mind quickly when I am frustrated. While all of America laughed at it on HeeHaw, it is laughter spent from understanding. We all have those moments when we would like to just sit on the front porch and wail.

Why me today?

My Sam is not going to be able to stay at his placement. Well, I should say, when he is released from the mental hospital he will not be welcomed back. Yesterday I spoke with his counselor, whom I love and appreciate. She indicated that the house parents were not willing to "go there" again. I understand. I stated that. The only difference between them and me is that they have a choice. Parents do not, well, not really!

I sat with Sam on Saturday morning talking about choices. I think he gets it. I actually know he understands, but he is just not willing to behave(for the lack of a better word). Sam's "reality" has been just incredibly positive, this situation encompassed a two parent home(with both parents home 24/7) and two big "brothers" who are well behaved and 17 years old. In my mind, this is a good a life as it can get for Sam. His own bedroom, a walk in closet bigger than any we have at home, a private bathroom, a game room with more games that we have here....a good place. Those "two parents" have two grown sons who have their masters and are successful Christians. Those "two parents" were ministers on the Canadian prairie for years (like 30 years). Godly, compassionate people who tried. I hate that they feel the lack of success. I wish for ALL involved that success was the song of the day.

So it's "back to the drawing board" that has me singing despairingly. There are no great opportunities for Sam. He would like at least one member of my household dead, no opportunity here.

I have been reading a book "10 Prayers God always answers" and I really like it. I agree even that there are things God simply wants to GIVE us. But you know, the clincher is pretty simple, you have to accept that gift to actually have it in your hands. You have to want peace, want wisdom, want hope, want those things to get them. Sam does not want peace, he is only concerned with himself and God gave him free will, free choice and with that freedom there aren't limitations. He can choose to do terrible things. By Choice. I really need to pray for Sam's heart. I do pray for him, but I need to change my prayers. Sam need to desire good things in life. I really think he understands about consequences, perhaps he can begin to desire positive consequences.

But for me, my pity party must end. My song is over and now skipping (irritatingly). It is time to take a big breath and sing a new song, pray a new prayer and hope for new choices. Because I do not have the power to choose for Sam. I can sit up opportunities, such as he has had, but he must take them. He must choose.

So, back to the drawing board, I will look for more opportunity, I will scrape up resources and I will fight for the very rights of Sam. Because I am his mother, I love him and I will continue to place opportunities in his hands. As I typed today I realized what a powerful God we have....doesn't He do those same things for each of us each and every day? He places opportunities in our hands and hopes we make the right choices!

Living examples...

I talk to my children about opportunities. I talk about how fortunate they are to have a family, to have parents who love them. I talk about how grateful they should be...and in typical kid fashion they likely don't always get it. But, there is just not much better for kids and adults alike than good living examples. For our family there are lots, but these sweet little girls pictured with Tori are likely among the best for my crew. These girls seek joy in the simplest of things.

And sometimes real life is really real...the kind of real that had Sarah leave worship to come find me in the nursery laughing. Sarah laughed, a little girl on her hip and said, "she said her headed was just itching her bad!!" I smiled at the sweet little face with one piggy tail crooked after being "itched". Scott asked if Sarah if she checked her head, Sarah laughed and told Scott you don't have to check if their hair is that blond...you can see ....and yes she does. LIFE. I am grateful that my kids don't freak out and fall apart at the "L" word...but I would be remiss to say that is causes my heart to stutter...lol:) But, the stutter can take a back seat to the most important things in life....people and these people are pretty neat ones!!

She made it!

Tasha made the softball team:) She is really excited! So, lots of practicing and lots of extra after school running for mom....but very much worth it:)

Fishin Buddies

My guys love Dustin. Today he called and asked if I would mind them going out on the river with him...lol:) Nope not at all. Seth, Ryan and Daniel were all very excited!They love to fish!

My kids are blessed with great fishing buddies. Ms Gail is just top notch! She has been teaching Michael the finer art of filleting fish. He is doing pretty well! I am really thankful because I do not fillet well, or rather at all:) Gail takes the kids with her as often as she can. Today she and Michael were fishing (it is simply a beautiful day!!

Loving these moments!

One of my favorite things to watch is the interaction between my kids. I love it. I love watching the knowledge of one pass to a younger kid. Seth loves baseball. Paden, Sarah's boyfriend, just happens to love baseball too. I smiled yesterday as Seth called Paden (who was coming to the house) to ask if he had his glove. Paden, whom I am gonna claim as one of my big guys, spent so long yesterday and today throwing to Seth. Seth loved it. Seth gains faith and understanding from Paden's sharing. Can't help but love these moments!!

A bully in the house...

I picked up my elementary school kiddos today and the vice principal, whom I like very much, asked me to roll my window down. He leaned in and quietly told me that Ryan had been bullying a little boy in his class. The little boy's mother called the school and the vice principal called Ryan in and talked to him. He told me if Ryan got caught doing it again he would paddle him. I nodded in agreement and told him I would expect that. He smiled grimly and said, 'I didn't think you would have a problem with that." Well good grief...why can a mother have a problem with that! MY child is behaving in a very inappropriate way and I have what right to be mad over consequences? First, I am not the one bullying. Second, Bullying is wrong (against the law in school and this world). Three, there ARE consequences to bullying. Four, I have never intervened when rules are set and my child breaks them....natural consequences!! In my opinion that is how they learn.

All that said, I cannot allow that behavior to go unchecked at home...So I brought Ryan home, talked to him. I asked him why? He tried the deflecting "I don't know". That just isn't good enough for me. Four times he has come from his room, where he is suppose to be thinking about the "why", to tell me he doesn't know. Four times I have sent him back. And I think I might as well say that he has not had snack yet (he thinks that is worst than the death penalty), snack will not come until after an explanation.

The reason I have been bullying.....

umm.....I forgot
.....ummm....hitting...
..ummmmm.....calling names....

The explanations were not enough for me....although in truth, very little would be pleasing to me right now. Full ownership might go a long way, but that is not forthcoming from Ryan.

As a parent I am way past the "my child does not do____(whatever)______". I really hate eating words and if I had that attitude I would being chewing on words all day long! My children are like their parents and their parents before them and those before them...human. My children will make mistakes...big...little....gigantic.... SUCH IS LIFE! But, the point of parenting is that I am here to help redirect thinking errors, to help my child see the wisdom of rules, to truly impress unpon them the desire to follow those rules! And hopefully I will not have to eat too many words along the way:)