Trees and other green stuff...

My kids love raw veggies. It seems they call them all by their "right" name except broccoli that still goes lovingly as "trees". With our lunch today I did not cook a vegetable, instead we had two gallons of raw veggies. My kids kept eating and eating (they love them). Seth sat down across from me and beside Scott with the plate above, it was his second plate! I laughed as Scott reached over to pick up at "tree" and Seth gasped. Scott said, "Seth, you don't think you can let me have one little tree when you have a whole forest?". Seth laughed and let dad have one. Just one:)

Margin of Error

Have you ever wondered what the good parenting margin of error is? I have. Seriously, it sounds like a contradiction. How can a "good parent" make "errors"? :) What a thinking error all by itself. Yet it is truly one that people, Christians even, hold.

I make mistakes ALL THE TIME. Ask my kids. Kids are great at remembering those moments. I laugh every time I think about Caleb's talk to John before leaving for the Army. It went something like this...."Mom is always right. Give in, accept it. Even when she is wrong...she is still right!". lol:) I think perhaps the better point is even when she is wrong be respectful!

But, why do people believe parenting can't hold mistakes? Last night I was chatting with a friend about a subject we neither one are terribly supportive of, yet she is at the bottom of the barrel and looking at it. I made the comment that at very least she would have tried, she would have been open to change and willing to try new things. Her reply "And that is important?" To me....YES! I never want to be in a corner and be told that due to my close-mindedness I had passed over good opportunities. In parenting we have to realize that we WILL make mistakes and when we do be willing to change.

I sat with a lady not to long ago who asked me about consequences I used. I spouted off a few and she asked about the effectiveness and how long I had been using one? I talked about the good results and I smiled as I told her I had not been using it long. Some rules in our house are hard limits, always the same response will come from me. But the consequence? It changes. I feel it has to. Age, maturity, adaptability to circumstances, and plain old appropriateness has to be a factor every time. Change is good. In consequences, change is almost always there, because I am a "try to be a natural consequence whenever possible" kind of mom. So if you throw food, you clean it up (you do not go to your room! Then who is left to clean?? NOT me!); if you knock over the trashcan,you pick it and the contents up; it you didn't sweep the kitchen when I asked, you will likely sweep the kitchen AND the living room. I like naturalish consequences, but my children are not cookie cutter kids and they do not do the same things...so there is always change.

I really believe the margin for error is large in parenting, but I really believe equally that there is no margin of grace it simply IS! It is a constant, it is there with me and my children. That grace allows me to say when I have overstepped, over spoken and it allows me to extend that same grace to my children. Just the other day I was passing out ice cream money to my kiddos as they got out at the elementary school, the last one out (the one who did not deserve it) stopped as I had my hand out with 50 cents. He looked up and said, "I didn't do my chore", I smiled and said, "I know, it's the grace of mom." He smiled. Change. We have to be willing to change. Not so much compromise on our hard limits, but show grace on the soft ones when we can.

I am always reminded of a quote I read as a young mother, "Say yes as often as you can!". Parenting is tough, the margin for error (lol...definite), but the grace, the "yeses" we can show to our children are likely one of the greatest ways to share God with them:)

I love smarties.

I love smarties (and I am not referring to the candy) ....just my son John:) He created this graph (that is about as technical as I get). I smiled as he lovingly and with a tad bit of long-suffering, tempered with futility, explained to me what it was. The futility being I cannot remember....but I do have a picture of it:)

John is a good guy and a great student. Love him!

That time again.....

This morning is sign-ups for baseball. Seth came down stairs in his baseball "underclothes" ready to get dressed for try-outs. Totally deflated to learn this is a paper only sign up and little boys are not even required to be there. I imagine he will have LOTS of time practice, baseball is almost here!

Connecting.

Jacob is a neat guy. I smiled this week as he related a story about his conversation with the ARMY recruiter. A month ago Jacob had an appointment with the recruiter. Jacob took off work and stayed at home working on the lawnmower while he waited for him. It was on one of our snow days, but not a "bad" snow day. Jacob was even ready early in case the recruiter came a little earlier due to weather. The recruiter didn't show, didn't call, until yesterday. He called yesterday to reschedule. Of all my guys, Jacob has the best work ethic (at his age certainly). Jacob is a hardworking, mean what you say person. If Jacob says he will be there, he is. His word mean a lot. I smiled, thinking that recruiter, sadly, probably didn't meet many guys like Jake and now? He will not be meeting Jake at all. Jacob told him, " I'm not interested in talking to you. If I decided to go into the Army I will talk to someone(meaning not this guy)." The recruiter not getting it explained that Jacob could call him anytime or text. He said he would always answer. Jacob told me, "Well, he could have texted or called me the day he didn't show up but he didn't". It's awfully hard to not respect Jacob's attitude. Jacob simply expects others to treat him as he treats them, sadly for this world, most people aren't like Jacob!

While I am yapping about Jacob I can't overlook the story Chelsea told me today. I had not heard it. Chelsea said she and Bo were talking this week and both realized that Jacob had sent them both messaged at 12:02AM the morning of their wedding. He told them he was happy for them and that he hope the day was great and that he loved them. Chelsea said she didn't remember talking to Jacob at the wedding (or much to any of her siblings for that matter). But it had really stuck with her that he cared enough to tell her. He knew the day would be crazy, but he wanted them to know he cared. I love that story:)

Caring and compassion, I sure do love seeing it coupled respect and love in my kids!

Noodle Brains....

This afternoon Sarah and I were in the kitchen talking. Sarah always comes home from school with funny 2 year old stories. As we talked Lita walked through the kitchen.

Lita: "Mom what's for dinner?"

mom: "hamburgers or chili"

15 seconds later, Tasha: "Mom, what's for dinner?"

I looked up from the stove and smiled, "beep...that's response number one."

Sarah in a monotoned voice " beep... that would be hamburgers or chili"

Tasha (what a smart cookie) without missing a beat replied, "yada yada yada yada...all I heard was ramen noodles:)"

We all laughed, except Tasha who was serious...haha. Ramen noodles are not on the menu tonight:) But not for the lack of trying on Tasha part.

Ramen noodles do seem to be on all my kids brains. We all laughed as Rosie got into the van yesterday and announced, "We studied Ramen Numerals today!" Even Rosie laughed when she realized her blunder:)

Keeping the memories ...

Keeping the memory alive.

Those are such powerful words. I saw them as I was reading this morning about Dan Jansen. Dan has a foundation for leukemia, The Dan Jansen Foundation, created to keep the memory of his sister Jane alive.

Even though we don't all begin foundations, or head research and development, we all in our own way keep memories alive. I think over the last few weeks, for me, the toughest part of our joy was not having my sister, mother or grandmother with us. I know there are so many who have gone on, yet those three would have LOVED to share the day. Chelsea and Bo's cards from the wedding said just that, "Thank you for sharing the day with us!". Profound words. Big words.

In this life, whether it be long or short, sharing the days with those we love, remembering them and the love they have for us (and vice versa) is one way of sharing the day! In the movie Stepmom with Susan Sarandon (I always blubber through) the ending always makes me cry, as Susan Sarandon (who is dying) tells her daughter "take me with you, you can. When you are in trouble, have me there. When you are happy, have me there. That's how people go on forever because someone takes them along. When you have your wedding, when you have your babies, have me there." I always think of those words. I think about taking that love, the love of those I miss so much, and I take them with me!

The Olympics have brought on this blog, the beautiful skater from Canada who lost her mother during the Olympics. Which made me this of Dan Jansen, I can so remember the time of his loss and the time of his victory. Those we love impact us forever. And that kind of love, just as surely as the powerful love of Jesus, impacts our every single day. I think love is something we should always take with us:)

Talking down from the ledge...

Last night as we were finishing dinner I received a call from Sam's counselor. Sam, heard in the background, was in a major tizzy. House parents had called in re-enforcements three times over the afternoon. Why? What could possibly provoke him to such destruction and outrage?

To give a bit of background, Sam in on a level system. But, Sam's level system is determined by his behavior the previous day. Immediate, as immediate as they can get it. Level 2 is not so bad. I thought about our meeting in Memphis yesterday with Zack`, Zack had been on Level one for nearly 18 months, we sat an praised his great accomplishment of gaining Level 2 and maintaining it. Now hours later I am voice conferencing with a son who due to "only" being on Level 2 is in fits.

As the counselor recounted the events leading to my call I could hear Sam yelling "that's not true!" and other words, some we just don't need to repeat. I hate being 3 1/2 hours away and being called on to deal with a son who is at the edge, and certainly by phone. I felt like one of those suicide hot lines...every word you have to place perfectly because someones life depends on it! That said, I am his history, I am his understanding (even when it is skewed), I get Sam, I know.....and I am so very grateful that there are loving professional people to help him! So, if I am called on to do my part by phone? So be it.

I began, as I almost always do with Sam in a tizzy, "I was not there to know what happened, I am not going to talk about your behavior before I was called, we need to talk about you right now. Right now you are being disrespectful and you are not listening and you are not calm. How can we change that? We need a plan. Tell me what the steps are going to be...what are your coping skills........" For 20 minutes we talked, I could feel Sam step off that ledge, stand on the floor and then sit down and talk to me. We talked about consequences when he calmed down, talked about the Level for today, for living tomorrow so the next day was better and the next one even better. He agreed. He seemed better. His counselor thanked me, but I was so far away and it is really hard to know. So I prayed. I love this placement. I love that God is the center of each individuals lives who works with Sam. That makes such an impact on his life!

I may have to be called (literally) to do things that I am not "crazy about" but in truth, isn't that the life of a mother? I am just grateful I am here and can be called on!

Sonic smoothie!

Dieting...I think that is definitely a four letter word (minus the "ing").

In the midst of my "I sure would like to live a little longer" quest in life I have began to use that four letter word. I have been looking at "FAT FREE" and low cal things. One I found was the fat free strawberry smoothie at Sonic. It really is pretty good. I have found a "treat" in that silly smoothie. Well, perhaps I should say I did find a treat in it....until Paden (Sarah's health friendly and exercise guru of a boyfriend) investigated Sonic and found out how many CALORIES the good ole smoothie has. GOOD GRIEF comes to mind...SIX HUNDRED AND SEVENTY FIVE calories. Isn't that crazy?

I am not sure who to be mad at? The cow? The strawberries? The farmer? The truck driver? Sonic? The waitress? hummm...maybe Paden for bursting my excessively high calorie smoothie bubble? Or myself?

Nothing in life is free. My dad said that all my life. I tell my kids that pretty often. It's true. And now that truth has even invaded smoothies...no such thing at fat free...maybe fatless....but still a lot more something that isn't Free at all. I even paid for the freeness!!

So I am back to counting calories...if it doesn't state the calorie content? That does not mean it's free:) It means beware...run...at very least power walk away. lol:)

PS...just for the fun...look(the point being TRY to look) at this nutritional chart for Sonic. If you are young enough to actually be able to read it ....well, you can likely eat anything you wish. If your eyes cannot read it? Run, jog....lol..you got it:)

Little Q's too:)

In life I find myself, with age, slowing down to linger over the little things. Above is a memo Tori placed on the china cabinet in the kitchen. With it the declaration, "I am putting the prayer list here so everyone can see it."

Everyday there are little Q's right along with the big ones. Sweet little moments I sure hope I don't miss!! The list has been there since Sunday, crooked and torn, but the words easy to read (if you can read phonically). This is such a BIG example of what I want my children to understand, I want them to know that this life is bigger than them, bigger than they can handle....BUT with God, with prayer, they can handle anything!! One note at a time:)

visual Q's and music notes...

Caleb sent me a message along with a fun picture of one of his battle buddies as a child. The note asked (and I will quote),"....find a picture of me that looks like this one because i know there is one sitting around the house somewhere. Once you have found it, take a picture of it with your amazing camera and send it to me ..." SO as I looked through a bunch of pictures I found myself crying. Memories. They don't bother me, but like the words with a song, the faces with my memories makes me cry. Not really because it makes me sad, just the thought of how quickly this life is passing. So many of the pictures that touch me involve those whom I loved dearly that are no longer here.

I suppose so much of life SHOULD touch us this way. It should make my desire to live my life just exactly as God intends, not missing any moment, not losing sight of the goal. The goal is heaven and I sure intend to take those I love with me! But, more than that I have to live with the desire to take everyone with me: neighbor, friend, acquaintance, all...I know the Bible says I should love my neighbor as myself...meaning I should desperately desire that EVERY single person I meet is in heaven just as surely as I have that desire for my soul!

I think God gives us tender hearts so when we see these Q's, these reminders, it's a picture of what I live for.... these are a few:) I found these looking for Caleb's baseball pictures.....





And I suppose, in looking at these, it's the very thought that this sweet little guy is no longer little, no longer small. He is a soldier, in a land far away, fighting for the freedom of this country, the freedom for me to live my life for Christ. THAT can make a mother cry!! Not in sadness, but with great pride and love, knowing that my little boy is all grown up and a living example of faith.

How?? and Why??

Today I stood in the kitchen with Scott talking about our kids. In a world of issues, and we do have lots, our kids are (as a whole) confident in their own skin. I laughed with Scott as we thought of "why?" scenarios...Maybe because there are so many they have to fight to be individuals? Maybe because we do not place importance on stuff, which I think sometimes can create in a child self-consciousness at not having stuff. Maybe because we do not join into the whole "going to friends houses and socialization every single weekend". We are not anti-people but we don't feel like you have to have a friend to go visit every weekend to be happy in life. We don't allow our children cell phones(unless you have a job and are paying for it...also you must still earn it!). We don't allow computer emails or face book until they are in their teenage years (13 or up) and then again...only when earned. Why? How did it happen? There are lots of things we do that are very very intentional. We parent with the intent that our children earn their way in life, that they show others respect, that they take personal ownership....but you have to know not everyone does (haha...isn't that life?).

So what makes the difference? I know Chelsea and Sarah were always stand on their own people. They like things because they "liked them" not because everyone had one. If anything I think they searched out that individuality and I praised it. I do not wish my children to go off the deep end, but I want they to have confidence. I want them to feel they can climb any mountain....even alone if need be. I want that kids of character for them. Chelsea, Sarah, Stuart, Caleb, Joseph, John, Jacob...all unique. All grew up in our house and all were at peace with their lives, with their means. They worked for anything they "wanted", we just did not hand out freebies. They built confidence in who they were ...and what they could accomplish. I am of course speaking in generalizations....we have had tough things over the years. With the building of our children's character comes lots of head butting:)

I do know that communication is key. But a step further than communication is making a connection. When your words ring true. For as many years as I can remember I have talked about real-life events and equated it to good decision making for my children.

I may have some kids who are weak spirited and have low confidences, but when I do it seems our family pulls them in, chops their weakness up and spits out individualism.....our job as parents is the direct those individuals:) Some stronger, some weaker, some bigger than life, some slipping through life. But it has been our great blessing that all have emerged as healthy young adults (so far so good...).

I would be remiss to leave out prayer. At the same time, it would be remiss to say that prayer only makes a difference. God intends we use ALL our resources as we raise our children, that we take each circumstance and twist it to His glory. Isn't that what God does?

How and Why's we are not sure, but we are ever so grateful for this house full of hard-headed individuals:)

Traveling Notes....

Note to self....do NOT get dressed in the dark. I for the SECOND time drove all the way to Kentucky, mostly in the dark(because I left home at 5am), only to arrive, get out and realize I have two different colored socks. So...no more trying to pick out socks in the dark! lol:)

I had a family session with Sam, and then took him to lunch. He is "Sam". Life in his world is pretty much about Sam (that's all folks!). It would be a pretty sad blog (sad to me) so I will skip the reality of Sam for now.

On a bright note, Victoria won first place in 4-H for her Trash Monster and second place for show and tell:) The picture is of her, her ribbons and the phone (Sarah's hand holding the phone and Paden at the other end as Tori tells him about her ribbons).

Rosie is driving everyone CRAAZY trying to get them to scratch off her fund raiser! I have "donated" $5.75....and I am done.

Words....just too many!

There are just too many things I need to talk about. I sometimes sit down in my computer chair and struggle to find something "nice" to talk about. I wonder what I should say. Today I have so many stories I need to share that have occured on the last 48 hours and I have no idea where to begin?
If I actually began at the very beginning It would definitely include Scott:) I am so very blessed to have him to partner through this life with. He is a great Daddy.
Scott had a very detailed memo for the weekend. I laughed as he told the boys from time to time to "refer to the memo". I love that memo:)
Our day began at 8:30 at the beauty shop:
Dana has known Chelsea since she was a very little girl (and Dana was a little girl too!!). It was really special to share the time with someone laughed about memories and made Chelsea's hair look exactly like Chelsea wanted!

Dear sweet friends gave Chelsea a beautiful bridesmaid brunch! Served on incredibly neat antique plates, with wonderful food and sweet fellowship:) There are lots of words to describe these friends, yet not enough to ever give proper thanks!

I began this blog yesterday, and after getting a little overwhelmed at this point as to where to go next I just stopped typing....I am finishing it today in pictures. I am going to just leave it as "a picture says a thousand words" and I might add a few...but for the most part I am simply speachless at the beauty of the day!

























As I posted these pictures I thought about the tons of pictures I did not put on...some will likely come later, but these....these are about Chelsea and Bo:) It was just one of the most beautiful days, to me as a parent, to be so very priviledged to share with my child! What great joy!

My kiddos ....

Through the craziness of the weekend my kids did really well (I am speaking in generalizations...lol). As we set up and cleaned-up and put up I was once again in awe (I probably shouldn't be but was) of the amount of work this big old family can get done! They enjoyed themselves and I am glad! I have to thank my friend Denise and Stuart and Sandy and others for catching and clicking. For once in my life I did not click...I did not snap...I just enjoyed!

Scott and all our boys...except Caleb who was very much missed!!!


My little girls who are just not so little anymore!!


My boys who thought they might starve!

And my little boys...again...not so little anymore:



My two who were in the wedding? Second oldest, Sarah, and youngest Seth:)




I wish I had taken the time to write down all the funnies...but I didn't. I can only think of a couple. Tasha wanted to know if she was wearing the Velcro dress. I did a double take trying to substitute the word and finally dropped "velvet" into the slot and replied, "Yep, the velvet dress, not the Velcro:)".

Seth in prayer the night before the wedding said some of the funniest things!
"Dear God.....please help Chelsea and Bo to make up enough money for they can go on their honeymoon(in reference to them rolling their change!lol).....I hear Chelsea has a prize for us if we do a good job, please help us to do our best so we can get that surprise...." Seth has always said the sweetest/funniest things, but he was on a roll! And he did do well and got his "prize"!

I laughed hearing about the photographer telling Seth to smile differently (I can only imagine the fake one he had) and he just stopped to tell her, "See this? It's my dimple, it always looks like that, it's just my smile." haha...I guess she might have just had to settle for the dimpled fake look!

Little toes

I loved this shot...actually the whole series of Chelsea and Emilie Ann. Emilie Ann was the youngest flower girl and while she is wide open in life, she was a bit intimidated by the number of people watching her. Chelsea got her off to herself and they took some sweet pictures. Chelsea so loved her little people...all of them! They are very special to her. I think it is one of her greatest strengths. As Chelsea and Bo work side by side in youth ministry it is truly a calling that BOTH of them excel in:) They love the Lord, life and kids.

I think in this picture, my favorite part is this:

Cute little red toes!!

And while we are talking toes....these are super cute too!


And these:

To have a February wedding the weather could not have been more beautiful!! Certainly warm enough for little toes to show!

Peace....

Tomorrow afternoon my sweet Chelsea will walk down this isle and marry the man of her dreams. Tonight we met with the little ones in the wedding before teh rehersal. They decorated big cupcakes. It was super sweet to watch them!





After the fun with little ones we rehersed (some funny people are in this wedding). Sarah's words were "Its not all about me, but some of it is:)" Silly girl, waving and posing and just being Sarah.





After the rehersal we had a wonderful rehersal dinner. I think there is a peace in me now. LOTS still to do, yet half the weekend is already over. So quickly the next 24 hours will come and go....I am still loving it all!