Sundays

We had 5th Sunday fellowship meal today after church. I love those Sundays! I wish we could have it every single week...I sat with long time friends and talked. I know that might sound silly, but in this crazy busy world I don't have nearly enough of those moments. Pure Joy:)

I posted that I now have two 12 year olds on facebook and then realized I really have five 12 year olds...which really doesn't sound good at all...lol:) Until Bella and Michael turn 13 in November and Lita turns 13 in December. THEN I will have two 12 year olds...and three 13 year olds:) and two three 14 year olds and two 15 year olds, a 16 year old, a 17 year old, an 18 year old....it goes on and on....I do have a bunch of kids. I don't ever think about the craziness of it until I "see" it is writing.

I love Sunday afternoons! Scott has been working outside, taking off the trash and helping Joseph move some furniture to his house that I was giving away.

Last night Joseph got a puppy. I think he's in love:)

Fall Fun Night

We enjoyed a night of family fun:) Lots of old traditions and a birthday thrown in too:) We had our donut eating competition.....everyone always looks good before it begins...lol:)












And then....the race begins....and JOHN wins!!



We had bobbing for apples (well...lemons, oranges, grapefruit and apples).








And the winner, with a years worth of bragging rights? TASHA:)



We warmed ourselves by the bonfire in the back field:) Marshmallows (carmel, chocolate, strawberry and original) were just prefect!!



I sure do love traditions and this one is one of our favorites:)

Happy 12th Birthday Ryan!!

Ryan turned 12 just 24 hours behind Daniel:) We have had a great day, the weather is simply beautiful! We waited until Scott was home tonight to celebrate Ryan's birthday.... Dad lit at all the candles...and they were trick candles....much to Ryan's surprise:)





The came the cards and his present...a camera:)

Happy 12th Birthday Daniel:)

This morning everyone was up and going early...lol...the day an average one. Average EXCEPT for the fact that it was Daniel birthday! It started, for Dan pretty neat because Jacob took just Daniel to school, stopping to buy a Dr Pepper in the way:) A special treat to start the day.

We ate Daniel favorite for dinner...pizza:) Followed with an ice cream cake with Titan Football guys on it:) We opening presents and cards.....can't forget to mention his much sought after BOOTS:)

You don't care about me!

You don't care about me are about the silliest words a child could speak to a loving parent. I know there are parents who don't care.... Bunches and bunches of them! But, if your parent is actually talking to you? They care.

I have one daughter who is currently on a mountain of disrespect. I doubt she stays there too long because she is quickly running out of supplies. She battled, truly battled to maintain her position and now the stress of her situation is rising.

In some ways her behavior is my "fault" and I will assume full responsibility. She is 14 and I believe capable of making decisions (many) on her own, certainly she is choosing her words and actions. I enable my children to choose. I like them to choose....

Scott and I were asked "How do you help your children achieve their potential?". Scott smiled, "By letting them choose what they want in life." He's very smart like that. I know every single mother knows her children strengths and with that can envision careers and lives built around those strengths. But, some of our children will actually choose roads that are challenging and not at all MY choice. It's kinda the whole point of choosing:)

I do not have angelic brainwashed kids (although that does sound pretty sweet). I have average run of the mill God given children who have the world at their feet and really great running shoes:)

To our children's utter dissatisfaction there is actually road mom and dad expect you to stick to. You have a "way", granted sometimes a private road but paved or unpaved, stick to the road. Did you know this little statistics?

According to the Federal Highway Administration 2008 statistics, there are 2,734,102 miles of paved public roads in the United Sates, with an additional 1,324,245 miles of unpaved public roads. This information can be found in Table HM-12 of "Highway Statistics 2008."

To me that says, there are a whole lot (lol..slight understatement) of acceptable places you can go if you stay on the road. My mother in law always says, "Keeping it in the middle of the road." That's where my kids need to be. It can be a road to basketball, soccer, music, photography...the roads are endless but the rules are not. Rules of the Highway are pretty simple, much like the rules of our home. Respect self and others, be on time, follow the rules, tell the truth and take ownership for your own actions.

Trail blazing is for those who have accomplished all the driving tests...once my children are grown I actually encourage trail blazing...it's how they become independent, yet I would never do that if they had not spent years practicing the rules.

The trail up my dear daughter mountain in not an official road. It is way off the approved road and with that unbeaten path come a whole host of consequences. I do think that consequences with become so tough to bare that she will re-evaluate her position. I expect a change...a change only she can make. Choices are wonderful and they are also truly damning. A single choice can alter your entire future. Scott and I had many many a talk with our boys as they grew into manhood about choices. The same is true of each individual. God gave my children a mother and father who work very very hard to keep those choices on the wonderful side. Why? Because contrary to any words spoken in anger....we do care, very much!

Fair Weather Parenting Advice

Last night Scott and I were on a panel about parenting. I really hate panels. I don't and can't imagine that anyone truly walked away with any meaningful advice. Much like talking about the weather, we can talk about thunderstorms, rain, sunshine, tropical storms, hurricanes....you name it...but until you ask me what I did when a tornado hit my house? When flood waters surrounded me? When the sun was so bright? Well, that is the practical advice. That kind of weather talk it helpful

This morning I was on the phone with Sam having our weekly family session. His worker made the statement that in the last few weeks he has had to work on his frustration level using the coping skills they had spent months working on. Sadly, his coping skills did not meet his needs and he has been placed back in the psych unit and has struggled with his behaviors. So now, they are looking at coping skills that work for Sam.

The same is true of us. Often we talk about parenting like we talk about the weather, with no real practical help or planning. Talking to Scott today I mentioned that I really believe we (generally speaking as people) do not like to admit our struggles. As I sat in class there were people who I know needed real advice. The mom whose husband died of cancer last year, the mom who is newly divorced with a tween, the mom who is now raising her sister's son following the death of the sister....so much loss and yet so very much potential! The weather kind of parenting talk does them no good. Ask me about the time my teenager (along with "church" buddies) got caught drinking at the baseball field. THAT is not fair weather parenting. I think we all live with the hurricanes of life and just don't want to turn those struggles loose. I suppose it might be fear that the winds of such a "sharing" would blow us all away when I think the very opposite is true. Those crazy winds we have beating at us can be soothed and tamed with the help of friends. Especially the friends who have weathered those storms!!

Tori Dori

It is really hard for me at times to realize this is my baby girl, the youngest of eight girls and our twentieth child. She sure isn't a baby anymore:) Victoria is growing up so quickly, she is at that "right before tween thing" that makes her still fun and silly but bordering on all those teen/tween things. I love her so much:) I wish I could capture all the sweet moments in my children's lives so I could remember them forever! You would think I would naturally remember them all, but I have found that with time my memory does fail. I sure hope she makes it through the next six years and is still as full of life and desire for greatness as today! Tori has the neatest friends, she never meets a child she would not talk to ...I started to say she never meets a stranger, but today that implies all kinds of issues....the truth is pretty simple....Tori is a great person, she actually enjoys people, she makes friends quickly and she maintains them very well. I think in the long run she will be a wonderfully productive member of society. I think that because she already is a wonderfully productive member of society:)

My personal research team..

There are times, actually a lot of them, when my kids are my best research team. When dealing with things that are not about our family they can really rock the research collectively. For example....This morning we were driving to school and got behind a school bus. As the bus made a turn at a red light in town the boy in the last row opened the window and threw out a bottle. He wasn't aiming it at anyone, but that really isn't the point. For me, I was sitting in my van, 15 feet behind the bus with 8 children who all saw what happened and all knew it was wrong. I think all my kids would say that I am a "do right" person. I am also a "hold you accountable" person. Right is right and Wrong is wrong....matters not who it is. So, with my "team" watching I asked for a pencil and wrote down the bus number. I then wrote, "Last row behind driver" and "Boy". We followed the bus a few miles to school as we drove this is what happened:

Me: Anyone know that boy?
Dan: yeah, I've seen him before.
Me: Is he in your pod?
Dan: No, I've just seen him in the bathroom.

Ryan: I think it's ****.
Me: Do you know him?
Ryan: Not really but he's in my pod.
Me: what's his last name?
Ryan: I don't know. But he's either in Mrs. xxxx or Mrs xxx homeroom.

I now have a pod, a name, a description...

Michael: I'm pretty sure that's **** ******.
Me: How do you know him?
Michael: He was in my PE class for a while.
Me: You're sure?
Michael (as the boy turns around looking out the back of the bus again): Yes.

I then asked for a clean piece of paper, supplied from the girls behind me (either Tasha or Bella) and wrote all the new information:

bus number
position
pod
name

We pull up to the school and I ask the children to have Officer Moore speak to me. I gave him the paper and it was not surprising that the name had him nodding and understanding.

I did the right thing and my children saw it...they were part of it. I was telling Scott about it when I got home. If I had ONE child I might have never figured it all out...but I have a pretty impressive team of kids:)

Scott and I are going to be on a panel at church tonight. One of the questions they sent us, that will be asked is about building a strong family. How to do that. This morning was an excellent example in my mind. 1) communication 2) common goals 3)following the rules 4) knowing you are strong collectively. When we talk, when we have goals and we stick to the rules .....THEN my children can actually SEE the stability. Our biggest resource IS our family. Every member could be strong individually but that would never mean we were strong collectively. That strength comes from working together. Not placing all the importance on one person, but realizing we need everyone! It was very nice this morning for my girls (who are usually the nosy know what's going on people) to see the boys work together. I would be willing to be anyone who repeats the story would say "WE ......." That "WE"? That's our family! To be strong....you need lots of "WE" moments!

Boys

These guys are growing up. No longer boys yet not men. That tough in between time is even tougher for Carlton and Zack. Zack has nearly caught Carlton in size, no small feat!

I spent all day yesterday with these two. Sometimes there are no words for that time....it's just an "experience".

Both boys are in very different settings. Zack is in a group home run by Youth Village. He is allowed any music he likes, any TV, nearly all movies, and many activities. As we went to the movie yesterday Zack had seen movies I would not even see. Carlton, who is in a Christian setting is not allowed the same freedom of the "world" and I believe is jealous of Zack's "freedom". Zack is jealous of Carlton who attends public school and can work and make money (and spend money...Zack's favorite part). Green Grass, I fear, will never be found by these boys under their OWN feet. That's a really sad realization for me.

Setting the bar....

I have a son-in-law named Bo. You can see him above with my silly Sarah and Paden dancing to the music Sarah "created and burned" for Bo and Chelsea to listen to on their drive home. Obviously it's "fun" music:)

Bo is currently the best son-in-law in the whole world, he is the smartest and the cutest and by far my favorite....he is also the only one I have:) I do think that will likely change (the only one I have part). Bo is a man after God's heart. Bo has such wonderful integrity. Perhaps the most redeeming virtue of Bo is his love for my daughter Chelsea....he sure does love her!

It is not the least bit surprising that Bo would be setting the bar for future men. Chelsea, as oldest, as done a fine job drawing her line and living above it...living where she should be! Bo is right there with her:) What a blessing to our children as they watch (because you know kids are going to watch!).

Over the weekend, while here, Chelsea opened her gifts from Bo. A wonderful book, some magazines, and a TRIP TO THE BEACH. Yep...a week in sunny Florida. Also he added gift cards for their evening meals, including their favorite places and even some new ones! We all laughed as Sarah looked over at Paden prompting him to say, "Hey, we aren't married, we can't go to the beach." lol:) Bo is setting a bar for those who follow.

That bar isn't about "stuff", it's about what's important. Chelsea is important to Bo....and Bo is important to Chelsea. They spend time with one another....not a novel thought...a truth, a necessity they have nurtured. In my life I can see the blessings big and small. Bo is one of the BIG blessings. Oh how thankful I am for him....and Oh how I know they are loving the sun, sand and each other!

Success

I love success...who doesn't? I love knowing that in this upside down world I can find somethings that are simply right. Sarah....she is perfectly "right"! I am so very proud of the young lady she had become. I love her work ethic. I love her concern for others. I love that she is always willing to help out when asked. She is just super special to me!! She, in keeping with her good choices, has a wonderful boyfriend. Paden and she are just really fun to have around! How very sweet the success of my children can be:)

Happy Birthday Chelsea and Bo:)

My reprieve, my time with my big kids home, was so very much enjoyed!! I cherish those moments, the pictures in my mind, the words spoken, the love shared for a very long time! The end of this week brought Chelsea and Bo, Friday brought Paden and Sarah and the combination was just quite wonderful!


A quick visit with MMz was pretty nice:)


What a funny bunch:)


We had Chelsea and Bo's birthday's. Chelsea is 23 years old today and Bo was 28 last Saturday. Chelsea has shared my love of Coke so we had a Coke Cake. My mom always made Coke Cakes when I was growing up...kinda special treat!




Fun gifts....Chelsea opened her gift of thread that goes with the sewing machine I sent home with her on her last visit. She has already been using it:)


Scott and I played the first round of spade against Chelsea and Bo. Sarah and Paden played the losers...we all love card games!!

Championship games.....

Tonight my guys, Ryan and Seth, each had a football game. We were blessed again to have big sisters and brothers there to watch the games:)






The boys both had good games...Ryan had a INCREDIBLE run and touchdown:) Seth had some great carries too! The fact that they are both wonderful blockers comes at no surprise...they have a dozen brothers and seem to spent a large part of their time perfecting that part of football in the side yard. I am ever thankful to the Angel who invented Shout!

Highlights from Ryan's game:
Ryan is in the front (and on the bottom) of this stop!

Loved this...One of the passes Ryan caught and carried....

Another pass to Ryan....


Seth's highlights...sadly most are blurry:(


Hand-off and run:)



Another carry:)