Guilt

Sometimes my children feel I ask too much of them. Seemingly (if you watch them) very unreasonable and unrealistic expectations on my part. Some of those things I ask?

Can you go pick up _____ at basketball?
Can you drive _______to the dentist?
Can you run (although I do mean drive) to the grocery and get some milk?
Can you sweep the kitchen?
Can you wipe the table?
Can you unload (or load) the dishwasher?
Can you pick up the living room?
Can you clean your bedroom?
Can you clean your bathroom?
Can you dust?
Can you put your things in your room?
Can you fold the clothes in the dryer?

Call me crazy, but none of those request seem to be unreasonable to me? I feel that none of the above questions are even "above and beyond" requests, simply small "helps"

I don't really deliberately try to think of things that would annoy my children. There are a lot of people who live in our house. A lot of people who can and should share the burdens.

Ownership. One word, lots of meaning. We (me, Scott and our children) are all BLESSED with a home, with food, with nearly all the comforts of life in America. We are blessed, so why do I get these responses?

Now?
I didn't make that mess!
I didn't spill that!
It isn't my stuff!
_______isn't doing anything!
I guess I can.
Do I have to?
I have too much homework to do.

And simply all the huffing and puffing and moaning and stomping....

Proper responses would be:

Yes Ma'am!
Sure can mom!
Is that all you need?
Can I do anything else?
I'm on it!

Even a smile or an immediate response would be acceptable.

This past week Scott and/or I handed out money all week for church activities. A whooping $405 to be exact:

$270 for 3 Senior high kids ski trip (not the spending $)
$25 for Jack's after church (milk shakes for 7 kids)
$45 for THUMP on Thursday morning
$35 for 6 kids dinner before devo on Thursday night
$30 for Stuart and Hannah to take Seth to the Children's family night out.

Scott spent nearly $200 on basketball shoes. Well, they were actually just tennis shoes for basketball. Now Tasha, Bella, Lita, Daniel, Ryan and Tori have new shoes.

I blog these totals and they really aren't that big a deal in the BIG picture of parenting. But, in the little picture, the one where my kids sometimes try to make me feel bad for asking for their participation in our family? I feel no quilt at all....

If I did it would simple be quilt that I apparently did not instill love, respect and a servants heart in the frustrated child. If I thought I never talked about those things? Then I would be failing as a parent and feeling pretty glum.

I can blog about fussing and KNOW that not all my children struggle with this issue. Not all struggle with being helpers...I DO have some great helpers. The bottom line in parenting is pretty simple (and the reason that I am NOT crazy) it's like that silly song I grew up listening to....be it by the Osmonds or the Jackson 5...both were SO RIGHT...

One bad apple don't spoil the whole bunch girl:)

If I keep hearing it in my head then I am bound to believe it...right? :)

A year ago today.....

Time flies, people say that all the time. People are forever saying things that are not true, but that saying? Absolutely true.

A year ago today we were at the church watching these two people get married.......


A long time friendship......





And a wonderful relationship.....




A beautiful first year....




I am ever so thankful and happy to wish Chelsea and Bo a Happy First Anniversary!!!




I have to add this silly as an ending, it was a post Sarah put on Bo's facebook wall:

Dear Bo,
I want my sister back.
You can come too.
Love you, Sarah

Chelsea was/is our first child to marry. The first to move to a far away place (lol..called Georgia). We have all had to adjust, all had to get used to our loss. Thankfully that loss of her being here is way tipped on the scales because we got Bo a year ago today. I would love them here...together! But more important that anything is that they are happy....and that they are:)

Bad bad luck!

The kids were outside playing hide and seek about twilight when Michael clothes-lined himself. I asked on what? He said the clothes line, then corrected to the neighbors dog line that runs along the edge of our properties. The goofy boy just tore his mouth up! I have yet to decide if his braces helped or did more damage? One of the brackets cut completely through his cheek. No broken anything, well not his jaw. He is not in pain (although it could be because his face is currently frozen). I think it's going to look pretty bad tomorrow:(

I may be nuts......

What a day! I spent an hour talking to Caleb today...what a blessing modern conveniences are to me! I am ever so thankful that my son of the other side of the world can keep in touch with me daily....HUGE HUGE blessing!!!

So much information....I will start at the end. At the end of the day it is certainly true that I have some pretty incredible children...no doubt about it! Sarah made reservations for Scott and I (adding Grannie and Pa) at a restaurant in town for Valentines day. She offered her babysitting for free...a HUGE gift! We arrived at the restaurant to be seated at a table with red carnations (Carnations were my mothers favorite flower). On the table were two cards, one to Scott and I and one to his parents. Our card was the one seen above with a super sweet note inside AND a $50 gift certificate for the restaurant. Scott's parents had the exact same certificate. Unbelievable to us!! What a gift!



While Sarah babysat, Stuart and Hannah took Seth to his family night of bowling for 2nd-5th graders. As I sit here typing I can smell "Hannah cookies" baking in the kitchen. What a neat girl!!

Sarah brought home her sweet friend Emma and had a birthday party for her tonight before dinner. Cute Cute Cute!







In answer to much prayer, Sam was admitted to a RTC this morning. Scott took him to Memphis and we are ever so grateful to find a place that we hope can help Sam manage his behaviors. My dad always says, "Do all you can do and that is all you can do." Well, we have truly worked hard to be able to do the things we feel are needed to help Sam succeed in life! And that is all we can do.....

Impending help!

It appears ....it seems....it is REALLY looking like we have found temporary help for Sam. It could come as soon as tomorrow.

We thought we found a wonderful group setting that sounded like Sam's kind of place....lots of outside work and learning a trade....structure and quiet. Sam's teacher at Alternative school called last week talking about the hard time Sam had with any change. It was not surprising news. Sam needs serious structure. They were totally willing to take him except for his meds. This place only did natural remedies. Scott meet Tuesday with Dr Goldin, our pediatric psychiatrist, and asked if there were holistic equals to Sam's meds. Two he could find alternative for but in the words of Dr. Goldin, "It would be a tragedy!" to go without the other two. Not feeling like a tragedy we marked that neat sounding place off our list.

Today, or maybe tomorrow, Sam is headed to Compass in Memphis. He was there in 2009 and they remember Sam, know him. I would like to say that is a very positive thing, but I am not so sure. I am sure they will help. I love helpers. I sure hope that "knowing" will give them all a jump start on the helping part!

I spent $220 dollars this morning meeting the criteria of the clothing list. Sam has not been running around necked, but he did not have some of the things. We don't have 7 pairs of pajamas, or a jogging suit, or the number of underclothes(socks, undies or T's) they ask for. Sam has been growing! Up a whole size in shirts and pants since November. I have not bought lots of new clothes. He is currently wearing Khaki's and collared shirts to school everyday. With that uniform being worn we did not need lots of casual. Sam wants to wash clothes every single day (seriously) so I have not added more than we needed. Now Sam can go two weeks without washing!

We won't tell Sam about the RTC until it is time to go. Scott and I are both in agreement that in his current state of mind (which is not very stable) he might do harm to himself. So, I am packing for Sam and then putting it away while everyone is at school.

It is so tough to weigh the losses for Sam. He needs to be home, because he is a boy. We know Sam has made so many improvements. We would never want to turn back the pages because today is better than yesterday. Yet, we know, if Sam cannot learn to control his emotions? He will never be allowed to live in a home. We use every single resource we can find to do all we can do for Sam. Scott and I know our time is limited, Sam is growing up fast. As with ALL our children, we want success for this son. We are praying this might bring that to Sam.

Epic Fails

I sat last night until way to late with Jacob and Preston watching silly "Epic Fail" video's and pictures. We laughed and they were silly. My personal favorite is this one....



It is so very true that we can KNOW some things are not going to work out well just by looking. A picture is indeed worth a thousand words. The Epic Fails pictures were motivated by a conversation with Jacob about him wanting to buy one of these.....



Seriously, the odds of life are not nearly as great when you slide onto the seat of that motorcyle. Now, I could have one of my guys argue that they are not racers. BAAAAHHAAAHAAAA! I know BOYS...if it can go fast? They will have to know "how fast"!

I think every single person alive has a motorcyle "I know someone who died" story. I do know that many people live and many people enjoy riding. I think I might have the same thoughts about any of my children driving a smart car. A smart car traveling beside an 18 wheeler? Kinda like Seth playing football in the NFL...EPIC FAIL....You know what Seth against Langston Walker would look like? Sethies 4'2" and 70 pounds slated against Walker, who is 6-8, 366? I don't even have to draw a picture.

So why do teenagers not see those Epic moments? They sure like making fun of everyone elses...but their own?

I agree with Ralph Waldo Emerson when he said:

“People only see what they are prepared to see.”

I really do agree with that...but! If you think you're going to buy a Suzuki gsxr 600? You better get glasses!!!

Me myself and I

Today this son of mine......




He whined and deflected blame and he fussed and didn't get along with others.....

I called him inside and it was neat that Scott was home and with us as we talked. At the end, Scott told Ryan, "Come with me and I will show you the only thing that can help you." Ryan (looking for the scape goat) followed Scott through the living room, through the kitchen, down the hall and into the bathroom. Scott then said, "That's it". Ryan said, "I don't see nuthin but me!". I was in the kitchen smiling, BINGO! I love my husband. I love how his mind works. I love that he then told Ryan that at his work, over the water fountain, was a poster that said, "Only one thing can change your attitude and your looking at it!". He then talked about the words that Ryan needed to learn to tell himself everyday.

About 30 minutes later Scott walked through the living room and asked Ryan, "What can change your attitude?" Ryan piped ups quickly, "ME, MYSELF and I!" Hummmm...there might be hope:) Actually....there is ALWAYS hope!!