camaraderie

Seth used his mp3 player to record Ryan and Daniel last night. Ryan and Daniel were supposed to be in bed, but Seth secretly recorded them playing football. He was so very tickled with himself (its a wonder they did not hear Seth with all the giggling). I caught this picture as he was letting Jacob listen to the "evidence".

It's moments like this, the big brother/little brother camaraderie I LOVE to catch on camera. These are the moments that make the work seem all worthwhile:)

Growing up...

I have loved raising these girls. For the most part it has been extremely fast and surprisingly easy (I am obviously using selective memory...but it's allowed). I've had a hard time realizing that in three months my Chelsea will be a wife and living in Georgia. I am so happy for her...truly. I just never expected the "growing up" part to come so quickly. Sarah always tells me she is going to live with me forever....My sister Stacy always told my mom that:) In Sarah's case I will simply enjoy her for as long as I have her. I always listened to people talk derogatorily about their children moving back in. Well, I guess I'm crazy because I was ecstatic to have these girls move back home. And now I realize it is a short lived wonder that I am going to cherish.

bottom or top of the world?

You know how some days just seem to step on you and some days you tread on top of the world? I think I am going to invest in a ladder that will help me climb from the underside to the topside of life:)

This morning I woke and walked into the bathroom to find a stopped up toilet(and I probably do not have to be to very descriptive about what that sight looked like). I reached for my brush in the cabinet beside the toilet and in doing so I accidentally knocked my hair color(which I am intending to use just as soon as I have 35 minutes) into the toilet. I grabbed the unsunk side and fished it out (gross but the goofy stuff cost a whole lot of money...$7.99). The yuckiest part was reaction that box of hair color caused .....a splash that erupted out of the toilet and down my pant leg:( So, I went back into the bedroom and changed clothes. Some days begin with you on the bottom, ya know?

I drove my sweet children to school (that was not sarcastic, they really were all being extra great today). After dropping off my middle schoolers I had children moving seats. I really question that, one there is NO reason to move and two it sure doesn't make their "get out" time any quicker. But, Tori (the lone girl) threw a fit, a fussing crying fit, because the boys did not want her to sit with them. I had her sit down and let the three boys out, pulling her to the front for a quick talk before school. We talked about "how" to get your way, and about "what good behavior looked like". As she sulkily got out of the van, I thought about what the top of the world looked like....and arrived there!

Attitude is a choice. How I wish to be, how I want to be, how I will be.....all choices. So in spite of the yucky start of my day, it is all my choice as to the rest of the day. So today I will endeavor to live the example I preach:)

It's right.

Many many years ago I first heard the "it's gonna hurt me more than you" phrase parents tend to use. I never really understood that, especially since it seemed to be used when a spanking was coming. I don't and haven't to my knowledge ever used that with one of my children, yet I do think of it and understand it better now that I am grown.

As a parent we are called to guide our children. We are responsible for their well-being. Included in that well-being is discipline. When my children do something wrong, it is my place to correct the behavior as well as the thought/motivation behind it.

Just this morning I sat in my van waiting on girls. Three girls to be exact: Mercedez, Isabella and Tasha. I was waiting on them because they were hiding out in their rooms, hiding out because if they had come out they would have been reminded to do chores. I know that, I allowed that, but I fully intended to leave those girls and come back home and chat with them (aka...the correction of behavior as well as the thought/motivation part). I asked Lita to take my camera to my bedroom and apparently while inside she yelled at sisters informing them that we were leaving. They straggled out of the house, climbing into the van.

Tasha immediately began fussing at Lita. Apparently Lita did not yell clearly enough and Tasha was mad at her. I listened a very short time (long enough to overcome my amazement at her audacity) before halting that VERY obvious line of thinking errors.

I explained that I had intended to leave them and that the kindness and concern of a sister alone got them to the van. I did not ask Lita to tell them, I did not intend for her to tell them, but she cared enough to call out. And while she might not have called out loudly, she did let them know. I then explained that ALL THREE of them should have thanked Lita for helping them!!

As we pulled up to the middle school my kiddos were jumping out and I asked Tasha to sit down and wait a minute. After Lita was gone I asked, "Did you apologize to Lita and thank her?" Tasha's reply? NO. I am always caught off guard when my kids KNOW what to do and do not do it. So I told her that was fine, she would be working for me this afternoon. That work being above and beyond expected chores. As she is working now (sluggishly and unhappily) I am reminded of the "it's gonna hurt me more than you" line.

Doing the right thing is sometimes yucky! When it involves correction of behavior? It is ALWAYS yucky to me. But I do it. Rarely do I feel like the prophet Nathan when he talked to David about his sin with Bathsheba....David had a "contrite heart"....sorry but I don't have a lot of kids with immediate contrite hearts. Maybe later...but the moment? Shew! Always touchy.

During class last night we discussed how God sent Nathan to David. We talked about the gift of that. That David, and sometimes us, are quick to change our behavior when we realize what we are doing wrong. I sure hope that is so! Last night after class a friend asked if I thought it was our responsibility to go to our brothers or sisters in Christ when they were doing wrong? Then she quickly told me, "well, that is what you said." I was caught a bit off guard. Yes I did say that. Yes I do believe that.

Driving today I thought a lot about it. Yes, the bible tells us we are to go to our sister (or brother) when they are doing wrong. There are guidelines and patterns.
To me? To me dealing with my sister-in-Christ should be handled just like dealing with my children. Not in a condescending way, not unkindly, not in a way that destroys self worth or incurs wrath....in a loving concerned way. I do not belittle my children when correcting. I treat different children differently, because they are different individuals at different times in their lives. I take into account their age and maturity. The same must apply within the church.

Correcting is yucky. Some of my children, like some people you will talk to have the "kill the messenger" mentality. Not that I truly believe death will occur, but the "it's gonna hurt me more than you" might.

Doing the right thing is NOT always easy. But doing the right thing? It's right.

How Great is Our God!

Today I had to be in Memphis for a family session with Zack. Scott was out of town and it was a there and back, with no stops. I've mentioned Zack's new counselor (whom I really like a lot) before, I've stated how understanding she is. She gets it. For those who have never dealt with a child like mine you probably don't understand, but for those who do? You can so hang with me on the "eternal gratitude". Today our session was mostly centered around building mentally strong walls around his thought process. It was about putting away thinking errors and strengthening Zack's understanding so he does not relapse. But unlike any other day, today Zack took full ownership to his action from the past. He talked about the intent and planning. He talked about the manipulation and grooming. He talked with such detail I was sick. Sick with fear of what might have happened and sick with the full understanding that the single act in question was not impulsive, as we had been led to believe, but premeditated over a period of weeks.

I managed to be the mom Zack needed. To say the things that needed to be said to him and express my appreciation at his openness. While I was on the verge of throwing up, Zack? He was "a little nervous and excited". When Anna questioned his "excitement" he said it was because he got to see his mom today. When she asked how his stomach felt? He said" hungry". She said you mean you could eat now? He grinned that Zack grin and said, "yea I could eat". He missed the big picture. He missed the understanding of the seriousness. He was excited over the new shoes and clothes I brought him, perfectly find and happy in his world.

While I was still in the driveway of the RTC I called Scott. The implications of what was said reeling in my mind. The likelihood of Zack ever coming home now so very much slimmer. And so sadly we are faced with arriving at the point where we have to say we cannot bring him home due to safety issues. Which will mean surrendering our rights. The end of our parenting. The crash of hope and dreams.

I finished my call with Scott and turned on the radio needing some kind of distraction when the song above came on. I listened to about one line and immediately started crying. I do that with songs, I think I might have a music note attached to my emotions. I cried through the whole song and then talked to God a while.

Our God is so great. Our hope is so sure. I just need to keep telling myself that God has a plan and my part is not the whole(just a part!).

To KY and back...

Yesterday morning Sam and I left very early for Kentucky. It was along drive and an even longer time filling out all his intake paperwork for this new placement. We have such great hope for this placement. It is hard to find long term (if needed) placement. We have been so very blessed! A fabulous Christian environment with in house counseling and experienced house parents. An opportunity to Sam to live in a less constrictive setting and hopefully build some good life skills. I was gone More than 13 hours and so very tired when I arrived home! I shall now be adding Ky to my lovely travel locations, although this thankfully will only be monthly.

There is so much I could say about Sam, so many many desires we have for his future, but as will all my kiddos....it all depends on him.

Messing up the graph...

Last, week while all my children were at school, I was getting ready for Thanksgiving, standing in the kitchen when the phone rang. It was my neat friend Leslie calling from her classroom at White's Elementary School. They were gathering data for a graph on "how many children are in your family" and Leslie was using my family to mess up her perfectly neat graph:) She had apparently began naming my children and had missed 2 (amazing lady that remembered that many!). I love Leslie. The first words out of her mouth was "Tell Mrs Smotherman hello class" and over the phone lines was lots of sweet voices. A couple of the children had gone to pre-school with mine and a couple play ball with us. We talked for a while about how many girls and how many boys, names and such. I was glad to be able to add to thier graph. Although apparently their graph did not have enough room for our kiddos...lol.

After I hung up I just laughed. Where else does that happen? Maybe somewhere else, but it was the first time to me. What fun! It really made my day:)

ps...She was missing Carlton and Zack:)