Changing hearts?

I had a mom ask how you change attitudes, hearts, opinions of children with low self-esteem? I wish I knew!! As mom's we want to fix everything...I think it goes with the job description. I am not so interested in changing personalities (that's what make my kids so unique!!), but attitudes that lead to negative life choices? They are the focus, always!

I know we need to spend our time trying to strengthen relationships. I LOVE communication. I am a talker. I would like to think I'm a listener too. I find the toughest kids, for me personally, are those who have trouble expressing their feelings. I want my children to be able to talk to me. I have told them (and it is NO secret) that I make LOTS of mistakes. But, if I am aware? If I know it offends? I will do my very best to change. I seemingly have a couple would rather lament in private about all my shortcomings and not try to seek change. Isn't that irritating?

Who doesn't want a better life? Who doesn't want positive things in their life? Who doesn't want to be happy? Well, believe it or not...some people CHOOSE to be bitter, sad and unhappy. THAT makes me sad for them. I realize that they have great power in their lives, the power to live as they choose, but they choose badly!

My sweet friend Jill posted this today....

I discovered I always have choices and sometimes it's only a choice of attitude.

Choices ARE available, the ability to make adjustments. But, for Kelly? I think sometimes our children are seriously handicapped by early childhood (well, negative early childhood events). In those cases? Counseling. Help. I do have some situations where children talk. In those cases, we are sometimes able to talk through thinking errors (like I'm the bad kid). I think those situations are wonderful. But, if you can't find that opening? Seek a third party with resources that are simply above and beyond. We have an incredible therapist who works so well with our family and it's strengths and weaknesses. Has he been able to help every child we take to him? Nah. Why not? That same of thing that make changes possible...CHOICE!

You have to want to change (no matter the age!)!!

Tasha's new room

Well, it's not entirely new...we have been "in" since the first of January. I took the pictures with my phone. Of course that means the quality is not so great, but I was thinking about it and decided I better just do it. Last night I spent an hour talking to Caleb and he asked what changes had happened at the house. I started to say none, but remembered this room.

A great move for Tasha! She is now on the big girls end (with Sarah, Mercedez and Rosie). Tasha was the last person to move making everyone in the house have their own room! It really is cute. I found her red sleigh bed at an antique store in town for $30. Her dresser came from another thrift store for $60. A cheap do-over:)



For Caleb.....you might notice the picture frame on the corner of the dresser? Some soldier Tasha loves a whole lot! :) Hey, I'm not kidding much...Justin Beiber got the inside of the closet door!

Loving ME!

I sit through session after session with Sam. I have talk after talk with my children. I encourage and fight equally for what is right. In thier lives there IS a "right". A right path, a road to travel, a place to be, a specific destination. Even more important is my desire that they understand that the
path, road, place and destination begins with them. They have to love themselves....FIRST!! I am not talking about selfishness. I am not talking about self-centeredness. I'm talking about balance. In this world, the perfect counterweight to sin is love. Loving who I am, my children loving who they are? The first stone of the scale. I want my children to understand that perfection is not attainable and perfection is subject to many interpretations; perfect to me is not perfect to you. But, there is a right way! Good behavior? Following the rules? Obeying the law? All things we should always have in mind, always desire to achieve. We all need to desire the positive, the good in this life. We need to go beyond wishing and hoping and we need to all feed the dream! We need to feed it, bank on it, plan on it and KNOW that with our work we can achieve that dream. We need to encourage the strong, beautiful, healthy side of ourselves. The Native Americans have a story about two wolves...you can read here.... Those two sides, spirits, desires live in each of us. The side we feed is the side that will grow. If I love myself I will feed what is GOOD for me, GOOD for my future, GOOD for my family, GOOD for my world and especially for GOOD for my Lord, for my very soul.

It seems so very easy. It seems so very simple. But the dark side (and I am not quoting Star Wars ...although what a PERFECT example!) is always going to have its pull. We simply must hold true to those things we know are good, withstand the temptation and consider those moments a time of testing that brings us maturity.

It all begins with loving myself enough to care about my life, my future and my eternity!

Homework

It should come as no surprise that I hate homework. Never did when it was mine and still don't today (when it belongs to all my kids). I love projects and writing and crafts, you know, all the fun stuff!

Today Sam was working on his "homework" for his in home therapist. A paper on his career choice. I asked what he wanted to do? He said construction. We talked about how to write the paper, what parts to explain and then he said, "How do you spell constructions?.....how do you spell follow? ......how do you spell report card?......how do you spell every other word in my paper? I very much understand the "why" of the paper. I do. But Sam is simply not capable of doing it. I can help him. I can explain that construction can be on houses, apartments, office buildings, malls, theaters....on and on...and he can copy it all down without being able to form those conclusions himself. After about the 10th question Seth, who was doing his homework beside us, began explaining to Sam what things you needed to be a good worker (and Sam wrote it all down).

Did Sam benefit from the exercise? nah. Except perhaps next time he will spell follow not foller. I appreciate those who work with Sam, I do. But, sadly Sam is so very far below "grade average" and what might work for most do not work for Sam. Which is why we have problems to begin with:(

Snow Day

We have had some serious snow days this year. Today we had another one! Maybe the first time we have had snow on the ground and puddles in the driveway! Sarah said all the snow landed on her car only. She actually had to work today and sadly was up and gone early!

This snow was not "fun play in snow", it was wet messy cold stuff. My bunch once again trapped inside. Ryan and the boys spent long hours playing with Domino's.


The kids all wrote Valentine cards to Caleb:)



And they spent way to much time starting illegal games of tag, chase, hide and seek and aggravating others. In this case this is the "what happens when you aggravate a big brother" picture. Tasha is tough, not as tough as Jacob but she sure can hold her own....until he finally says enough (as you see). I love that Tasha always laughs, she gives as good and she receives, a very rare trait!

One step ahead!

Seth loves competition. When Doug is home he lets Seth work out with him and Seth loves it! When Jacob has time (or doesn't mind the pain) he and Seth have competitions with chin-ups and push-ups. Jacob stays just one step (one "up") ahead. Tonight Seth did 44 push-ups and Jacob did 45:) Yesterday Jacob admitted to making Seth laugh so he would lose position and Jacob could win. It is not at all surprising that my youngest of 13 boys son would have a bit hard-headedness in his blood! :)

Readers!

I have a handful of great readers. In those children the grades are higher as well as knowledge and understanding. Reading truly opens the world to new thoughts and ideas. While I have had some great readers I rarely have readers like Rosie:) I took this today of Rosie....reading the dictionary....for longer than 20 minutes! lol:)

I laugh, but her vocabulary sure does show. After blowing out cake the other day Doug was telling some tale and Tasha who was sitting across from him said, "You're talking with your hands". Rosie, who was sitting at the table too, said, "He's gesturing." I smiled and watched both Doug and Tasha say "What?!" She defined it for them and never broke a smile. I love that! I do have quirky kids and in Rosie? That quirkiness will give her an edge (lol...certainly with words) that the others do not. Kind of a "reap what you sow" gift!

Love these quotes about readers:

“The greatest gift is a passion for reading. It is cheap, it consoles, it distracts, it excites, it gives you knowledge of the world and experience of a wide kind. It is a moral illumination.” Elizabeth Hardwick

“Reading is a basic tool in the living of a good life.” Joseph Addison

“You don't have to burn books to destroy a culture. Just get people to stop reading them.” Ray Bradbury