We had a CFTM with Zackery yesterday. Big decisions were made. It was time. Rosie, Tasha and Bella went with me. They sat and visited with Zack for a long while before our meeting. Well, they sat and listened to Zack. Zack, sadly, is just about Zack with no real regard for others. He rarely asks how anyone else is doing unless prompted. And then is sounds like this "How is dad? Do you think you can bring me some more markers and paper?"
Zack does have some strengths (everyone does!). He created this neat car above. All with glue and paper. Zack has a wonderful art perspective. On the flip side the needs are great, very great.
I am not sure I will blog about the day, not at length, not soon. There are some losses that come hard, but personally it is the loss of hope and dreams that are the hardest to swallow. The thought that all that can be done is simply not enough. The knowledge that there is a plan in place that is not my own. Life.
I find that with our kids, the grief cycle is one that we need to repeat as each new realization of where our kid is not going is a fresh wound. {{{Hugs}}}
ReplyDeleteI keep repeating to myself, "I cannot care more about this situation than they do" - I do this over and over, day after day with a few of my kids because what I want for them is so...much different than what they're willing to work on for themselves - and I understand there are just so many things (especially as they get older) that I cannot control. I can't make them work in therapy - my 17 yo proved to me today that I can't make her even speak during 45 minutes of therapy, let alone do the emotional work involved. Ok, well, I've given her the opportunity and my time and I will always give her my love and be her mom - but I don't have to be used and abused by my kids. I grieve every single day over the loss of my dreams for some of my kids. The thing is - they were "my" dreams, not theirs. I just hope they can find a way to realize their own dreams as they get older.
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