Someone asked me the other day "what's the hardest part" of adopting and parenting? A new question for me. Usually people assume the hardest parts are laundry, cooking or cleaning. Occasionally someone thinks the busy schedule would be hardest to keep up with. But, truthfully, it's none of the above.
The hardest part is failure. Failure to bring about change in attitudes, in behaviors and in very life my children will live. I have a trio of boys I cannot "change". A birth mom made choices that will impact and perhaps even destroy the opportunities in their future. That's hard to deal with! I have some children with behaviors and attitudes that are just ugly. I know those same behaviors and attitudes will impact their tomorrows...and not in a good way.
The hard part is usually the part, as mom's, we try to change that is not truly within our control. Attitudes, Behaviors, Choices are mine to critique, mine to react to, mine to talk about, mine to try to correct. The hard part is that there does come a day, there is a time when the choice is not mine. The choices lay in the hand of children (young adults, old adults, aka...PEOPLE) who will in turn choose for themselves. I still think often of the time John went to Scott searching for an "out" to working for a friend at church who needed some help. John's words were "mom always punishes me if I make the wrong choice!". To this day those words make me smile. John knew exactly what was "right". It is not my job to always choose for my children, but the response as a mother is very significant. My choices matter, even when the wrong choice is made.
Scott and sat with Sam yesterday who admittedly says, "I just choose to do the wrong thing". After so many years of counseling, after having his tell us exactly what "should" happen in any given situation and yet he still chooses poorly? THAT is hard.
The hardest part of my life? Dealing with all the things I am not in control of! It will always be hard to see my children fail and to know that my influence was not enough. I really don't see this answer changing throughout my lifetime.
I do know, as I parent, as I struggle with the "hardest parts" that my struggle is much like my Lord's. Freewill gives us all the freedom to succeed and to fail. I imagine God wishes everyone would listen to Him too!
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You nailed it!!! Give me laundry and running and meals to cook and I will never fail. Clothes will be cleaned, people will eat and get where they need to go - guaranteed!! Give me a bunch of surly teenagers who want everything their way, who give nothing back to the family and yet always have their hand out - and I feel like a failure time after time. I wish I knew what would work with certainty (don't we all? lol) It's easy to become discouraged. I laughingly tell people that I'd rather have a dozen babies and toddlers running me ragged than the teens with attitudes because at least the babies and toddlers still nap and have earlier bedtimes. The teen issues are so emotionally exhausting!
ReplyDeleteI second that!!! I tell my little ones {well, they are all little, really}, that they have a choice, but that those choices will either bring them blessing or misery. But, choose! And tomorrow is another day :-)
ReplyDeleteI can relate to the verse in Proverbs that says "a rebellious child is a grief to his mother." It is so true {of course}. I have to continue to look to the Lord so that I will not loose hope.
Thanks again for your words of wisdom.
Hugs from the North,
Summer
Your post could have been mine too. You really expressed exactly how I feel. It was so much easier when they are little. The choices and concequences are not so life changing! Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
ReplyDeleteJenny