Last night as we were finishing dinner I received a call from Sam's counselor. Sam, heard in the background, was in a major tizzy. House parents had called in re-enforcements three times over the afternoon. Why? What could possibly provoke him to such destruction and outrage?
To give a bit of background, Sam in on a level system. But, Sam's level system is determined by his behavior the previous day. Immediate, as immediate as they can get it. Level 2 is not so bad. I thought about our meeting in Memphis yesterday with Zack`, Zack had been on Level one for nearly 18 months, we sat an praised his great accomplishment of gaining Level 2 and maintaining it. Now hours later I am voice conferencing with a son who due to "only" being on Level 2 is in fits.
As the counselor recounted the events leading to my call I could hear Sam yelling "that's not true!" and other words, some we just don't need to repeat. I hate being 3 1/2 hours away and being called on to deal with a son who is at the edge, and certainly by phone. I felt like one of those suicide hot lines...every word you have to place perfectly because someones life depends on it! That said, I am his history, I am his understanding (even when it is skewed), I get Sam, I know.....and I am so very grateful that there are loving professional people to help him! So, if I am called on to do my part by phone? So be it.
I began, as I almost always do with Sam in a tizzy, "I was not there to know what happened, I am not going to talk about your behavior before I was called, we need to talk about you right now. Right now you are being disrespectful and you are not listening and you are not calm. How can we change that? We need a plan. Tell me what the steps are going to be...what are your coping skills........" For 20 minutes we talked, I could feel Sam step off that ledge, stand on the floor and then sit down and talk to me. We talked about consequences when he calmed down, talked about the Level for today, for living tomorrow so the next day was better and the next one even better. He agreed. He seemed better. His counselor thanked me, but I was so far away and it is really hard to know. So I prayed. I love this placement. I love that God is the center of each individuals lives who works with Sam. That makes such an impact on his life!
I may have to be called (literally) to do things that I am not "crazy about" but in truth, isn't that the life of a mother? I am just grateful I am here and can be called on!
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It sounds like Sam is in a great place that gets him. It is much harder to talk them down over the phone, but it soundss like you did a beautiful job.
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